Alex Humphrey: British tourist missing in Panama

(guardian.co.uk) Where is Alex Humphrey? The 29-year-old from Stockport vanished on 14 August near a beauty spot in Panama. Police searches have found nothing and now his mother is flying out to try to find him

Our children may grow up but as parents we never truly let go of them, and when something terrible happens, it doesn't matter how old they are, our need to make it right is just as strong. Gill Humphrey from Stockport in Cheshire is about to make an emotional, lonely journey to Panama to look for news of her son, Alex Humphrey, 29, who disappeared seven weeks ago.

Alex, a classical music enthusiast and support worker for children with learning difficulties, went on an independent sightseeing holiday in early August and has not returned. He was due to fly back to his Manchester home and his job on 29 August, but was last seen on 14 August, leaving Hostal Vearon in Boquete, in Chiriqui province, to go and see the Balneario Majagua waterfall.

Gill's one-week trip to Panama is not one any parent would relish making. She knows she is unlikely to uncover further clues to Alex's whereabouts, since there have already been extensive searches and press coverage. Alex's brothers, Andrew, 32, and Martin, 34, have spent time in Panama doing national press interviews and working with the search organisation Sinaproc, which has used boat, helicopter and sniffer dogs to hunt for Alex. Nothing so far has been found.

When a teenager or small child goes missing, a huge amount of attention is given to the case. But if an adult child goes missing, a parent feels no less anguish, regardless of their son or daughter's age. Gill, 60, who is very close to Alex, the youngest of her three sons, feels unable to rest until she is sure that she herself has done all she can to find him. Like any mother who knows her child well, however old they are, she knows what may or may not be usual behaviour for him.

"People are more likely to assume that when an adult goes missing without explanation, they may have wanted to disappear," says Gill. "It's a valid assumption for some, but I know Alex would not do this – he was not on a suicide mission and he wouldn't intentionally put his family through this awful situation. He had many reasons to come home and was so excited about his holiday. We went shopping together only the Monday before he travelled to buy suitable clothing.

"My first thought when we found out he had disappeared was that he had just decided to do something different. It wouldn't be unlike him. It was when I realised he had left his things behind that I had a feeling of dread, because I knew that would be unlike him."

Alex was an experienced independent traveller. "We hadn't been worried about Alex going off travelling because he's already done so much on his own, even from being a teenager. He's been to America and Europe backpacking – it's his favourite style of travel. And we know that because of the person he is, he would have been seeking out the locals to speak to, rather than other tourists. He doesn't like organised travel, he likes to experience things."

Even as an adult, Alex remained close to his parents. He still had a key to their home and even keys to the car. "Alex would just turn up and let himself in," says Gill. "We are used to him popping round. And he and I spent a lot of time together going to music performances at the Bridgewater Hall in Manchester. His knowledge about classical music was exceptional, and while we didn't always agree on what we liked, we always had much to talk about. The other thing we liked to do together was go to the cinema. Alex was the only person in the family who would come with me to see the Harry Potter films. We still haven't seen the last release, so he has to come home for that."

Gill's journey to Panama isn't about "morbid last steps", she says. As well as being keen to thank the Panamanian authorities, she would like to get the impetus going again for press coverage that might trigger someone's memory of being in contact with her son. "I am frightened at the prospect of visiting Panama, not knowing what I might find," says Gill. "But the idea of never knowing what happened to Alex is intolerable.

"It's very difficult, because every hypothesis we come up with has been shot down. If he had been kidnapped, there would be a ransom demand. And Sinaproc says that if there had been a mugging that went wrong, the muggers would be unlikely to hang around to get rid of the body. The explanation I find easiest to live with is that Alex has wandered off the tourist trail and has had an accident, slipped or tripped. But Sinaproc feel this is also unlikely because by now he would have been discovered.

"We have to face the probability of Alex not being alive after this length of time without access to his money or clothes, but the authorities in Panama are still looking for him – they are not looking for a body – and while that is the case, I'm not at the point of considering him dead."

In the weeks since her son vanished, Gill has had little sleep and has been under enormous pressure. When she wakes every morning, her first thoughts are of him. As time goes on and there is no news, tough decisions have had to be made. "One of the more horrible moments was cancelling a standing order going into Alex's bank account. We help with his rent at his Manchester flat, which his brother Andrew lets to him, but the bank is freezing his account and I knew there was no point in the money continuing to go in just to be sitting in the account. When I clicked the button to stop the order, it was as if I was cutting Alex out. I found that very difficult.

"I know I can't always go on like this, but at the moment I'm getting through the days by replying to emails, checking the Facebook group we set up – Find Alex Humphrey – and keeping in touch with the authorities."

On Wednesday, Gill was due to fly out to Panama; she is hoping that by this weekend there will have been some developments in the search. One hope for the family is that it appears Alex may have spoken to an Irish couple in the Boquete tourist office on the day he disappeared. They are trying to find this couple, who they think may have been travelling on to Nicaragua.

"If I believed in UFOs, I'd say there has been an alien abduction – but I don't believe in them and I don't know what else to think. There is just no trace, and I have no idea what has happened."

Like any mother would be, Gill is desperate, but she is still proud of her son's spirit of adventure. "Even now, I don't think that Alex shouldn't have gone away," she says.

"He walked into an adventure, though it seems like he may have walked into more of an adventure than he bargained for. But I'm proud of him for having gone. I just wish he would come home.

"However old your children are, you don't stop caring. I think the toughest time will be if I have to come home from Panama without any move forwards in knowing what has happened to Alex. I don't want to think about that until I have to. The worst-case scenario is never knowing."

If you have any information that might help in the search for Alex Humphrey, email aghumph@yahoo.co.uk or telephone Greater Manchester Police on 0161-872 5050. The search website is alex-humphrey.co.uk, the Facebook group is Find Alex Humphrey